her little guardian angel

My Mom kept this tiny trinket, angel-like ceramic figurine, by her bedside.  {Sure it’s probably a cupid, but I think it was safe to categorize it as an angel…and that’s what my Mom did.} There was an afternoon where I was cleaning/rearranging her bedside table for her and she made it very clear to me that she wanted her “angel” back on her side table in clear sight.    There was this unexpected comfort that this decorative knick knack brought to her.  She jokingly said it’s her “cute little guardian angel”.  We laughed together, I acknowledged the trinket’s unique role and then returned her “angel” to her bedside. What we found funny was the ominous “weight” of cancer this tiny creature would have to carry and guard my Mom from…the seemingly impossible and tragically funny all at the same time..  I was prompted by the unexpected experience to return with my camera on my next visit to capture it.

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Do I cry for me or for her?   As I travel through life and finding my place of understanding of the Divine, I’m still scared and worried for what the second journey holds for all my loved ones, me…my Mom.  The inevitable is described a little differently amongst all the many beliefs.  The bardos in Buddhism, samsara and moksha in Hinduism, Day of Judgment and paradise in Islam, Catholicism’s heaven, purgatory and hell, etc…  All the different conclusions brings uncertainty, trepidation, curiosity.  In the wake of my Mom’s passing, as I uncover and discover and try to be, I still cry about her well being.   I cry for both of us.

My dear husband recently reminded me “In death there is no sadness.  Mom is one with the Divine and there is no room for sorrow there.”

I’m going to let my process unravel and then eventually and naturally create a beautiful skein.

light & love

 

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